Dear Newbie, welcome to our yard! I’m going to give you some useful hints and tips about the world of horse owners...


Know that although what the humans do may seem strange, being cuddled is actually a good thing and they’re guaranteed to spend at least 99% of their time doing this. So embrace the attention and take all the horse treats you can get.


Dear Newbie,

Humans love brushing us, like, a lot! So how can we encourage them to brush us even more? Mud. Essentially your very own home spa, it is the ultimate bath and the humans LOVE it when you bathe yourself - so why not give them a helping hand? Wallow all day long in this glorious creation until your owner comes back waving at you and cheering with joy at seeing how well you’ve managed to cover yourself…

A knock at the door

Dear Newbie,

I’ll let you in on a secret. Twice a day, both morning and night, the humans will bring you a buffet - and I mean a buffet - of delicious horse food. You don’t even have to do anything for this, they just slide it through your door ready for you to munch up every last drop. But let me assure you, this is not the end of the food train. When your owner is nearby, gently whinny at them to get their attention (they love this, don’t ask me why!). If they don’t fall for the whinny, gently tap on your stable with your hoof – a sure fire way to get their attention and if you’re lucky an extra handful of horse treats.

Catch me if you can

Dear Newbie,

The humans here absolutely love to play games. Their most favourite game, I hear you ask? Catch. More specifically running around the field trying to catch us whilst we actively do everything we can to avoid being caught (including jumping between fields); catch! They love this game so much that they’ll sometimes even try and draw you in with a sneaky treat or carrot - which means you’ve definitely won the game.


Dear Newbie,

Sometimes you have a bad day. Your owner has brought you in from the glorious field full of lush grass to make you do some work in the pouring rain (I'm definitely a fair weather horse). Then after everything that has already happened, the human picks up your legs one by one making you stand on only three legs. Now we simply don’t stand for this, pardon the pun, so at this point it’s time to have a little fun of our own. Lull your owner into false sense of security and calmly let them pick up your leg. Then when they least expect it, stomp your leg down. Don’t worry, they think it’s a game too.

Dear Newbie,

Don’t worry about a thing. You’re going to love it here, there is horse food on tap, cuddles and attention when you want it, and occasionally a new wardrobe as the season changes. With the advice I've given you, you're sure to fit in!


If your horse had a say, what would his or her advice be to the new horse on the block? Share in the comments below!